How to live with a broken heart

Some of the most beautiful people that we will ever meet have been ravaged by life. They have encountered the deep, dark places and spaces that leave a body and a soul unanchored, or tethered to circumstances, decisions, and coping mechanisms that do not offer ease for the forseeable future. And yet, many of us know the stories of people who have lived beyond their darkest nights, too. I mean really lived. These are the stories that open up our eyes (and maybe even our hearts) to possibility.

Twenty-something years ago, I was saved by Jesus in an almost all-Black Baptist Church in southern New Hampshire. I came with my burdens and my baggage. The understanding of what it means to be used and abused, and a newly diagnosed seizure disorder - both creating a blockade of sorts for me. And yet, on the other side of my attachment to either circumstance, I just knew that there was a full and rich life waiting for me. It took several tries to finally excavate myself from the violence. But, I did it. Was it Jesus or sheer determination? I don't think I'll ever know the answer. But, I'd like to think that it was both faith that something "big and beautiful that wanted more for me" - and, the actions I took in the coming months and years.

While my relationship with Jesus has evolved over time, my penchant for reliving the same challenges over and over again has not. For some reason (Divine, perhaps), I keep encountering some of the same hurdles. Though today it's not someone else breaking my heart, my heart does keep breaking. (Hashtag #stillhuman.) Sometimes, that brokenness comes about as I grieve my personal experience with medical complexity. Other times, it's broken by "the way things have been." Most often though, she is broken by "the way things are" in this blessed world.

An empath has got to have some decent boundaries, of course. And, like all of us, I'm still learning.

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Lectio Divina for the brokenhearted

What if there was a different way forward? What if the street you are on today isn't the street you need to be on tomorrow? Lectio Divina started as a contemplative way of reading scripture. I was introduced to this sacred art and practice as a member of a beautiful Catholic church in the heart of Massachussetts, my first chosen home outside of my home state. With the guidance of a spiritual companion, I inhabited the story of Jesus washing the apolostles feet. I've since found that I can inhabit almost any text with Lectio. In my experience, Lectio Divina offers an alternative way forward. One rich with opportunity.

With Lectio Divina, we can takes any sacred text and gain new understandings of an experience, good, God/the Divine/Universe, grief and/or our own life. For the last several years, I have personally taken the practice of Lectio Divina to a multitude of poems, excerpts and full texts, including fictional literary works. The beautiful thing about Lectio Divina is that it is absolutely accessible to any of us, regardless of religious, spiritual or secular path.

1. Lectio (reading): Go back to Autobiography in Five Chapters. Read the poem all the way through. Take your time with any words or lines that seem to snap on your heart strings. Is there anything about this poem that you find particularly interesting? Do you want to know more about the poet, the time in history that the poem was written in, in what book it was published, or how it was perceived? Research it to the maximum if this soothes your soul. Then, take a moment and read the poem again. This time, notice how you are breathing - if you are breathing - as you take in these words. Can you name any one emotion or feeling, right now?
2. Meditatio (meditation): Take this poem into meditation and listen for a still small voice. This could be the voice of yourself, your highest self, or the God of your understanding. It could be that an ancestor is speaking to you through these words. Maybe you're reminded of a choice you made that radically changed your life. Consider, perhaps, that these words apply to some situation you're experiencing right now. What is that situation?
3. Oratio (prayer): If you were to receive anything out of this sacred time, what would that be? Take a moment to pray. Prayer is simply a conversation between you and you, your highest self, God, Divine, or Universe . Your prayer could be of gratitude or lament. It could be both. You get to choose what this practice looks like in it's entirety, including how authentic and vulnerable you are.
4. Contemplatio (contemplation): The final step in Lectio Divina is to rest and receive. Today, so many of us pray to act/do. But what if after you prayed, you took the time to receive the benefits of your prayers? One of the most simple benefits is that whatever has been on your heart is now not in just your heart alone.

Pain shared is pain halved

I honor the ritual and practice of Lectio Divina because it has shaped and reshaped my path time and again. I truly believe in the wisdom that "pain shared is pain halved." Whether I've sewn that pain in the dirt or released it unto my angels in the sky, I feel lighter after conscious soul care. And, from what I've been told, countless people around me have experienced the same.

Let me end here with one final note, dearest soul tender.

The truth of the matter is that our potential is limitless. Even with a broken heart.

Do you believe it?

Can you receive this?

I'm with you.